The Carleton Improv Association has been supporting maniacal despots in third world countries for years by siphoning gasoline from school buses, trading it for drugs, selling the drugs to orphans and sending the proceeds to South America.
The bastards behind this dastardly scheme?
Brodie Cooper - President
Brodie is less inclined than most to write a bio.
John Piekoszewski - Vice President
John stands at 6'1", has roguish good looks and hair like a field of wheat in an autumn sunrise and has been described by his mother as "rugged". John likes to keep the team in his sex dungeon good shape for optimal comedic effect. When asked for one word that best represents him John responded, "HIV negative". John is an avid fan of university Quidditch and enjoys watching it through a high powered lens; he has 32 confirmed kills.
John's favourite game is Superheroes.
Billy Wray - Treasurer
Billy is the treasurer of the CIA. His financial experience dates back to his early life as a pirate on the St. Laurence River where he and his crew would rob ships for lumber. Billy is famed for being the only pirate to have a crew made up of a trained sloth. Billy's ship is called The Porkin and his standard is a fat man sitting on a couch eating potato chips. He would like to thank his sloth Sid for being his accountant and driving his getaway van.
Billy's favourite game is Backwards Interview.
Paul Piekoszewski
When he was 8, Paul captured a mermaid using 4 rolls of duct tape and a strategically placed lobster trap. He was granted 3 wishes. With his Batmobile and 80 pounds of Reese's Pieces, he wished for improv skills. Since then he has starred as Stinky Pete the Prospector in a straight-to-BluRay-live-action adaptation of Toy Story 2. He enjoys training toddlers to re-enact his favourite action movies. If you turn out the lights in your bathroom and say his name in the mirror 3 times, Paul will materialize and steal all your baking soda to make paper-maché volcanoes.
Tom Lando
Since joining the team last year, Tom Lando has gone from a creepy man to a maniacally creepy man. He is the focus of a weekly podcast/article feature on www.the-back-row.com called "The Tom Lando Files". People tend to hear about him before they meet him. He recently did DMT and discovered that he is a child of the Sun God. He thinks improv is very much related to RPGs like Dungeons and Dragons. He WILL tell you about it.
Tom Lando's favourite game is The Dating Game.
Adrian Cronk
What's throbbing, veiny, and reacts negatively to cold water? Adrian Cronk's love of Improv of course! This enchanting gentleman continues to support the CIA as a way to bring Improv Comedy to the masses. Adrian Cronk will give you 2 to 1 odds that he does not have a gambling problem. His favourite games include Evil Twin, World's Worst, and Seriously Paul, Get Out Of My Room, I Know It's You I can Hear You Breathing. Unfortunately, he can't play Evil Twin very often due to it's long name.
AJ Cormeau
The only one on the team who knows how to fashion an effective prison shiv using only a blunt stone and a kitchen knife, AJ is a force to be reckoned with. It is a mystery what his initials stand for but legend has it that they stand for "Autoeroticasphyxiation Jones". AJ takes his improv seriously, and gets very upset when the audience doesn't; he has been known to throw fits of rage when audience members yell out or laugh during shows.
Eric Loney
Eric P Loney has been a master improvist for over 10 years, starting his career early in high School. Born and raised in Smiths Falls, the son a poor Tombstone mason Eric rose above his humble beginnings to enroll in the Industrial Design program at Carleton University. A member of the C.I.A since 2008, Eric was absent from the team last year to refine his improvisation Skills in the snowy tundra of Waterloo, while simultaneously destroying the Stock Rating of ResearchInMotion during his employ. Eric now celebrates his glorious return to the C.I.A. in for his final Year at Carleton where he plans to break his unbroken record of going topless at some point during every show.
Michael Damini
Recently unplugged from the matrix, Michael is trying to squeeze every drop of lifejuice that life has to offer. This somehow involves joining the improv team, watching people play yahtzee and shooting elastics at tourists. Apart from being ridiculously good looking, Michael's greatest accomplishment so far was a flying kick mistakingly given to someone who looked like William Dafoe. Michael prefers his lifejuice, yahtzee and familiar enemies shaken, not stirred.
His favourite game is shift left, shift right.
Chris Henn
Chris joined the improv team after what would have been his Hollywood breakthrough picture, Citizen Kane 2: Rose-Blood, was a commercial disaster globally with the exception of an extended run in Thailand and parts of Indonesia. Chris is a black belt in 18 different kinds of karate and 3 kinds crocheting; he once kicked a ball of yarn into a sweater using only his mind. When Chris isn't improvising you can find him at the beach or the park romancing women; which is why he isn't allowed near schools any more.
Chris' favourite game is Press Conference.
Julia Dundas
Julia joins the improv team fresh out of prison where she went for smuggling drugs in her butt to give to children as 'charity'. After crawling through a river of shit to freedom, Julia cleaned herself up pretty well and makes a decent living in the back seats of cars in Vanier. Julia is infamous for having slept with every man in Nigeria, and forcing them to send out mass e-mails asking for money to satisfy her lust for credit card numbers.
Julia's favourite game is Say Again.
Jessica Brown
After being smuggled into Canada by illegal inbred Mexicans, Jessica dropped her old occupation as a cage fighter and rodent taxidermist for an improviser. Throughout high school, Jessica competed in the Canadian Improv Games Nationals on 2 separate occasions, as well as the Intergalactic Improv Games that she regularly attended with her pet squirrel Gerald.Disguising herself as a Carleton University student, Jessica was able to brainwash the CIA into allowing her a spot on their team... little did they know she would soon use their brains to slowly take over THE WORLD!! *Clears throat… I mean, make people laugh and… such.
Today, Jessica thoroughly enjoys being a part of the CIA along with people watching and picking her nose when no one's looking.
Jessica's favorite game to play is Story Teller Die, because who doesn't love a story with multiple themes and poorly done accents?!
Sarah Spitz
Sarah owes the Carleton Improv Association a lot of money. Letting her her be on the team was the best way for us to make sure she doesn't try to flee the county.